Tuesday, March 23, 2010
When it comes to playing the role of 'female'.....I pretty much suck.
I don't mean to question God's decision when he created me as a female, but sometimes I wonder what He was thinking. Maybe it just boils down to my mom getting perms while she was pregnant with me or perhaps she signed up to take experimental drugs to pay for my birth. Either way, something about me just doesn't fit the mold.
That doesn't mean to say that I don't love being a woman. Being a wife and mother has always been my dream and I'm blessed to be living it! I'm not struggling with an identity crisis. I'm quite happy with the woman I'm striving to be. It just goes back to that mold that I don't fit into.
For example; I haven't worn a dress since my wedding day and I even regret doing it then. I hate all things involving lettuce unless it's placed between two patties of meat and served on a bun. Yet, it's not uncommon for women to get together and have an assortment of salads for lunch....and when I offer to bring the lasagna, I get 'the look.' Once when I was out to lunch with a friend, she ordered a salad and I ordered the Cowboy Burger. When the waitress brought the check, she automatically handed it to me. Ooookay....so the waitress thought we were on a date. Yikes. I'm also not a fan of tea, therefore 'Tea Parties' hold no appeal for me. (Unless you're talking politics, but that's another subject.) And the fact that I can eat an entire Wendy's triple cheeseburger doesn't qualify me for the Guinness Book of World Records, in my opinion. And shall we talk sex drive? Why is it that my husband thinks a back rub can just be a back rub without turning into everything else? I'm getting mixed signals here! When our role reversals got revealed in marriage class, people started using the words 'male' and 'female' with quote fingers around them. So it shouldn't come as a surprise that I'm not a fan of sitting in groups, opening up, sharing my feelings and crying together, either. That's not to say that there's not a time and place for that....just let me know what time and I'll avoid the place. And don't even get me started about the pain of mall shopping. But if you'd like to get together for some volleyball, softball, swimming, or working out, I'm so there.
I just don't fit in the box. This isn't a new revelation to me. This is probably harder to accept for some of the women who fit nicely in the box than it is for me. I'm pretty used to me. Thankfully, I'm surrounded by women and men of all backgrounds who love and accept me just the way I am, and the feeling is mutual. I have the best group of friends an outer box woman could ever ask for. When I was offered a beer at a Euchre party recently, I felt all warm and fuzzy inside....and not from the beer. I declined that because I don't drink. Hey! That's kind of a woman thing to say! Maybe all hope is not lost? But at that same party I yelled 'Son of a #$%&@' when I got euchred, so never mind.
Realistically, there are several things that qualify me for the position...I love getting my hair done, I was a super cool cheerleader all through school, and I'm a huge fan of eye make-up....the more the merrier, I say. But then every so often I get slammed back into reality. For instance back in October when I got a letter from our insurance company denying payment for my annual Pap Smear....as it turns out, my Gynecologist had me listed as a 'Male' and they had to send proof of gender. I have no idea what that entailed, but I choose to believe it involved a detailed note of my awesome hair and my heavily made up eyes.....