Thursday, March 18, 2010
I remember the day we met our new neighbors....let's hope they don't.
Five years ago our family piled into the van with our dog to finalize inspections on our new home. The kids were excited about the in-ground pool. My husband and I were excited about having only one neighbor. Having lived in a crowded chaotic sub-division for ten years, we were ready for some solitude and we were praying that the people who lived next door were nice and more importantly, normal. Twenty minutes into the thirty minute drive our dog pooped in the back of the van. It was quickly scooped into a plastic bag barely averting a domino effect of vomiting that we're pretty famous for. When we arrived at the house he put the plastic bag on the tire of the van, for lack of a better idea. While he met with the inspector the kids and I walked next door to introduce ourselves to our neighbor. I was relieved when a friendly woman and her polite teenage daughter answered the door. I was explaining a little about the crazy neighborhood we were moving from and how much we were looking forward to a quiet life in the country. That's when I noticed my husband walking toward the van. Before I could react, he started backing the van down the cement driveway, popping the bag and spreading the poop as he did. (Not to mention the smell.) As K watched it happen she looked up at me and yelled, “He forgot about the bag of poop!” and she took off running to the van. I felt my face burn as I tried to continue making eye contact with our new neighbors and attempted to casually change the subject. Out of the corner of my eye I could see K and my husband having an animated conversation while I stood there trying desperately to act like a normal person. When K returned, my neighbor asked if everything was okay. She replied, “My dad said he's going to kill himself.” That's when I started throwing out sentences like, “It was nice to meet you and we look forward to getting to know you better and my husband would never kill himself” as I quickly backed away from their door. I stormed over to my husband and asked him why he would say such a thing and he said that he didn't. He said he was going to kill the dog. K thought we should go tell the neighbor that daddy was going to kill the dog. I assured her we had plenty of time to further traumatize the nice people next door. More than likely, they had also been praying for normal neighbors....You win some you lose some.