"This is the exact opposite of Badass."
"Well that would explain the small black hairs coming out of the hole, not to mention the blood stain."
"She khadafied me at mid tuck."
"To my knowledge, God doesn't send or promote the sending of chain mail."
"I'm like a paraplegic except I can feel my legs."
"The accident broke me and now I leak."
"You can't just throw around the phrase Happy Trail in public."
"You're not being a toe. You're being an ass."
"He knows not to talk torque to me."
"New rule. Once somebody scratches their butt with it, it goes in the trash."
"He ran too hard and got the squirts."
"When this button pops, it's all gonna be set free."
"This is death."
"Well aren't we wise when we're delusional."
"False eye lashes could put me on the slippery slope to a boob job."
"You'll be fine. Cheese can't get old."
"This has PMS written all over it."
"It's not that I wouldn't take a bullet for her. I just don't think I'd have time."
"So that whole WWJD...?"
"Yeah, not my strong suit."
Just so we're clear, I'm usually the one quietly documenting and rarely the one doing the talking. So if any of those quotes screamed Me, you're probably wrong...ahem...