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Tuesday, November 8, 2016

50 Things I'd Rather Do Than Vote For Hillary

Despite my strong opinions, I typically avoid politics on my blog, simply because I’d rather not deal with the divisive backlash. You’ll never sway my personal convictions, I’m not arrogant enough to believe I’ll sway yours, and so if we don’t agree, that’s cool, and let’s still be friends.

That being said, my niece recently posted an article titled ‘100 Things I Would Rather Do Than Vote For Hillary.’ It was a cute read, I commented that I wish I’d thought of writing it, and she encouraged me to write my own.

First, this is dedicated to my niece, Abigail, who basically gave me permission to go to my dark place of distasteful things and have a little fun.
Second, let’s all note my different title, because plagiarism.
Third, I stand behind every single word of this, just so we’re clear.

So here are (just) 50 (of the endless) things I’d rather do than vote for Hillary:

Watch The Walking Dead beating scene
Sit beside a phlegmy cougher on a New York subway
Crank open my own vagina for my annual exam
Watch an NBC live televised musical
Lose every FitBit challenge forever
Answer the door for Jehovah’s Witnesses
Join my husband’s Clash Of Clans
Fill out duplicate forms for all 4 of my children at the Pediatrician’s office
Learn Common Core
Become a volunteer lice and nit remover
Find a stranger’s hair in every meal forever
Let a Kirby Vacuum salesman into my house
Walk into a South Carolina police station dressed as a clown
Put Ryan Lochte on the stand in my defense
Let my husband play with fireworks
Join a gluten-free support group
Lead a protest for Harambe at the Cincinnati Zoo
Let people take bites of my food off of my fork
Be friends with Whoopie Goldberg
Boycott double cheeseburgers
Give up my scale
Star in an “I have genital herpes” commercial
Sit my butt all the way down on a Taco Bell toilet seat
Eat at Panera Bread
Be Kody Brown’s 5th sister wife
Seek marital counseling from Jim Bob Duggar
Home School Caillou
Choose the longest line with the friendliest cashier at Walmart
Open a text from Anthony Weiner
Lick the Chuckie Cheese play land tunnels
Be politically correct for a day
Copy and Paste Facebook privacy rights declarations
Eat a Michelle Obama’s healthy school lunch
Dry my jeans the day before Thanksgiving
Weigh myself fully clothed and shoe’d
Go shopping on Black Friday
Answer my cell phone
Watch Frozen
Eat in silence with only the sounds of someone chewing
Comment something nice under someone’s status who’s threatening to leave facebook
Ring a cowbell at a football game
Let the amusement park photographer “take a quick pic” as we walk through the gate
Give up tweezers for a week
Host a home sales party
Give a sales person the names and emails of my 5 closest friends
Eat the cake without the icing
Click a random email link to “claim a free gift card”
Use the bathroom at Target
Go an entire day without offending anyone
Vote for Trump. Obviously.

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