Close~Courters: November 2022

As the saying goes; Man plans, God laughs- and I'm so grateful because sometimes the most unexpected things turn into life's sweetest gifts.

Our 3rd child Kearstin has been a prime example of that from the very beginning. She was a surprise pregnancy during a hectic time in our life, when financially another baby wasn't what we planned, but God knew she was exactly what we needed.

November, 1998- In the midst of chaos and a turmoil of emotions, we found out we were pregnant. It was the sweetest day.

It's impossible to fully describe, but at just under 32 weeks of my pregnancy, I felt deep in my soul that something wasn't right. For that entire weekend I told anyone who would listen that something wasn't right and on Monday morning I called the doctor and the receptionist was hesitant to move my appointment up a day. "You can feel her moving, but you can't wait one more day? I'm sure she's fine."

"NO I canNOT wait because she's NOT fine because SOMETHING isn't RIGHT!"

They finally agreed to bump my appt up from Wednesday to Tuesday, even though I could tell they thought I sounded like a lunatic.

The following day, when the ultrasound showed her tiny body completely still except a slowly beating heart, I was taken for an emergency c-section and they prepared us for the worst. When they pulled her out, she was snow white and not moving and the room was completely silent. They rushed her out of my sight and I lay there trying to grasp the horrible silence until it was broken by her tiny cries followed by the doctor who was sewing me closed saying, "My God. That's a miracle."

May 25th, 1999- In the midst of chaos and a turmoil of emotions, our miracle arrived and changed my world forever. It was the sweetest day.

Fast forward to July 15th, 2021- In the Dominican Republic, during pandemic chaos and a turmoil of emotions, my tiny miracle, who'd grown into a beautiful princess, got engaged to her high school sweetheart, Trevor. It was the sweetest day.

From the very beginning, she and I have had an inexplicable borderline scary connection and it's only gotten stronger with each passing year. It's almost like that twin telepathy thing except I birthed her and we're not telepathic, so probably not the same at all. But the planning of her non-traditional rustic glam wedding brought us even closer.

The day we went dress shopping, she chose for herself a princess pink wedding dress and a burgundy dress to match the bridesmaids for me.

She asked me to join her dad walking her down the aisle to give her away and included me with the girls for her Bachelorette weekend in a cabin...I mentioned non-traditional, right?

Speaking of non-traditional...while she and Trevor were excitedly choreographing their beautiful first dance together, she and I were secretly choreographing the father/daughter dance...aka; 38 seconds of slow dancing with her dad to Bob Carlisle's Butterfly Kisses turned into 3 and a half minutes of our entire family crashing the dance floor to Missy Elliott's We Run This, because what else would you expect from us?

The year of planning flew by in a blur.

The morning of the big day, her only rule was clear: "If anything goes wrong today, I don't want to be told about any of it."

Remember that time back in 2014 when I described how smoothly Aubrey's wedding went?

Well. Grab a margarita, cuz in true Kearstin's-entire-life-history fashion- we planned, God laughed, and here's how her wedding went down.

If the wind blowing the isle runner away during setup, not having enough chair covers for the ceremony, and the bride's dad breaking her only rule by calling her to let her know about both of those issues was the biggest thing that went wrong, I wouldn't need the margarita to write this.

Oh, you thought I was telling you to grab a margarita? You're adorable.

Here comes the good stuff. Everything was fine until the pictures started, but have professional pictures ever gone smoothly for our family? Short answer- no. They always seem to end with Ron yelling at everyone to stop vomiting and threatening never to do family pictures again.

Refer back to Family Photo Day and A (Birth) Day In The Life to refresh your memory and remind yourself why you read this blog to feel better about yourself. You're welcome.

Photo by Graceful Beginnings

We were all dressed in our cute matching "get ready for the wedding jammies" when the pictures started, and as if on cue, Flower Girl #3 (Mahayla) vomited directly over the shoulder of Flower Girl #2 (Scarlet), sending Scarlet into hysterics and triggering everything you'd expect from 2 vomit covered 5 year olds running rampant amongst the bridal party. Screaming and gagging, to be specific.

By the looks on the photographer's faces, I'd say this was a first for them and when the videographer asked "should I keep rolling?" it was too much for me.

Kearstin knowingly looked over at me and began loud-whisper-ordering "DO.NOT.PEE."

She gets that from her dad. Like they think they can just order people to stop their bodily functions.

Show of hands. How many people can say their mom peed her pants and wore no underwear throughout their entire wedding day? Just Kearstin? Weird.

Because, no. I didn't pack an extra pair of underwear to bring to the wedding. I'm not a toddler. And my wet undies (read favorite black thong) ended up in an empty USPS package with the hopes I wouldn't accidentally mail them off anywhere.

If you think that's where the story ends, your margarita isn't big enough.

Because then it was time to put me in my dress...meaning zip and lace up the corset back and criss cross and hook my spaghetti straps...and Kearstin was the only one who knew how to do it.

Did you catch that part about CRISS.CROSS.THE.STRAPS? That's important for a low cut dress requiring no bra. The criss cross pulls it tighter, providing more coverage and support.

For those keeping score of the Mother Of The Bride's attire at this wedding:

Underwear- 0

Bra- 0

People surprised by any of that- 0

Quick life lesson for the future: Never put the bride in charge of her mom's cleavage on her wedding day.

My dress felt loose and very...er, unsupportive. She tied me in again. Still the same. When I complained it was still loose, she said "I don't know! That's just the way it is!"

I'm gonna remember that reply the next time she asks me why I pee my pants when I laugh.

When the bride, the bridesmaids, the ring bearer, and the 3 flower girls, who had moved past the vomiting crisis surprisingly fast, loaded into the mini-van driven by Zac, we realized Ron and I had nowhere to sit. So Zac popped open the trunk. And that's where we rode, with our feet hanging out the back, and the trunk door threatening to bounce off our heads for the 2 mile drive down the gravel road.

By the time we arrived at the ceremony, we were covered in dirt and dust and after bouncing around in my dress the whole ride, it occurred to me that maybe my straps weren't criss crossed as Ron and I pounded each other off beside the van.

Pounded the dirt off. Stop drinking and get yer heads outta the gutter.

One of the bridesmaids quickly fixed my straps and we walked our beaming princess toward her teary eyed prince where the minister asked the question- "Who gives this woman to marry this man?"

When he asked that question at rehearsal the night before, Ron panicked and answered, "That would be I." Hey Yoda, I'm standing here too and since when do you speak in Star Wars?

We'd been practicing "Her mother and I" so I whispered it to him one last time and I'm happy to say he nailed it for his big moment in the spotlight.

Photo By Graceful Beginnings

The lakeside ceremony was beautiful and I think we were all crying when Trevor emotionally read the vows he'd written and then she read hers to him.

I glanced over to see Scarlet laying across Mayhayla's lap who'd just vomited all over her an hour before and every horrible scenario flashed through my mind of the hell that would break loose with just one unfortunate heave, but I'm happy to report I don't have to write that.

Collective sigh of relief because I would've been officially out of clothes to wear, we had a family dance coming, and the show must go on.

Photo by Graceful Beginnings

It was during pictures after the ceremony when I happened to glance down at the front of my husband's pants and gasped. It seems the Father of the Bride walked his daughter down the aisle with his man parts outlined in dirt from our ride down in the trunk of the van. (Zoom in if you dare- for the sake of this blog, I'm thrilled the photographer didn't edit that out, as are you I'm sure.)

It was almost our turn for pictures so I quickly tried to rub him off which, um...stimulated it's own set of problems and begs the question, which is worse in family wedding pictures?

Cast your vote here.

The reception had a couple of complete disasters about it, but they were out of our family's control and as much as I'd love to spill the steaming puddle of tea so we can all shake our heads in disbelief together, I won't.

Photo by Graceful Beginnings

The only thing that matters is that on October 15th, 2022- In the midst of chaos and a turmoil of emotions...some projectile vomit, a little urine, excess cleavage, and one set of dusty balls- Kearstin married Trevor, the love of her life. And Sweetest Day became THE sweetest day.

Dear Trevor,

Welcome to our crazy family. After 7 years of dating, we probably come as no surprise to you anymore. Thank you for sticking around anyway. I cannot guarantee that we'll ever be "normal" or "traditional." As a matter of fact, I can guarantee you the exact opposite. But what I can promise you is that you've officially joined a tight family circle built on trust, loyalty, unconditional love, respect, and enough laughter to last you a lifetime. We're grateful that God led Kearstin to her person. And we happily welcome you into our tribe. (Credit for our family slide show goes to Zac)