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Starring: a dad, a mom, a son & daughter-in-law, a daughter & son-in-law, a teen, a tween, a grandson, a granddaughter, 3 dogs, 2 rabbits, 2 dwarf frogs, an unfortunate number of tadpoles, and a whole lot of love.




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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

A Stay-At-Home-Moms Snow Storm Time Line

A snow storm is coming! How do we know? Because we stay-at-home moms who spend thankless hours monitoring Facebook are spreading the word.

This is our time. These are the moments we stay-at-homers live for. It's called snow days, people. These are the times the Proverbs 31 woman in us finally makes an appearance. (Snow days & when the bus driver calls informing you that your daughter just vomited on the kid sitting next to her.....again.) We're nothing if not prepared for these unexpected breaks in our routine. So for those who don't know, this is how the snow storm plays out:

The calm before the storm......
Okay. We've heard the news on Doppler Facebook and it's time to snap into action. Hopefully, you're one of the lucky few who has already gone to the grocery before ever hearing of the storm. I'm pleased to report that I fall into that category this time and was able to avoid losing my testimony at Walmart while fighting over loaves of bread. (Um, not that that's ever happened, mind you, but I digress.) The cupboards are stocked so let's begin.

Step 1: clean the entire house right down to mopping the floors. Why? I don't know. But it's important that you do it. Step 2: Clean the 9 inches of built up ash out of the fireplace while mumbling under your breath that you've been asking your husband to do that for weeks. Step 3: Call and cancel the much needed hair appointment that is inevitably scheduled for the day of the storm. (Insert more mumbling under your breath.)

The big event......
You wake up that morning to beautiful snow already beginning to fall. Your husband is at work and you've received the call from the school that your children will be sent home early:

Step 1: Build a roaring fire and stock a pile of wood beside the fireplace to save a trip out in the snow later. (While wearing pajamas & risking the toddler locking you outside thus forcing you to traipse barefoot to the front of your house and break into your own home while praying nobody calls the cops. Go figure how I know this.) Step 2: Put a pot of something on the stove. It doesn't matter what, as long as it smells good. (ie; spaghetti sauce or home-made soup is always the item of choice around here.) Step 3: Bake things and serve them with hot chocolate. That's mandatory. Things must be baked during a snow storm, with or without the help of the children. I choose
without, but whatever. Step 4: Wait nervously by the door with cell phone in hand until your husband arrives home from work safely. Step 5: As the inches of snow steadily climb outside, enjoy movies and boardgames as a family. Step 6: While the kids hole up in the rec room to enjoy an all-nighter with high hopes of a cancelation the next day, you attempt to squeeze those extra holiday pounds into a special nightie for your hubby. Step 7: Amidst a string of profanity, throw the tiny nightie back in the drawer, make the room pitch black and hope for the best.

Snowed in......
School is canceled and your husband is home from work. The fire has died at some point in the middle of the night and you awake to a stream of frozen drool running down your cheek. Or maybe it's snot. Who cares at that point.

Step 1: Scrape off your cheek. Step 2: Rebuild the fire. Step 3: Tip toe around as quietly as possible in hopes that your children don't wake up before noon while noticing that they've trashed the house. Step 4: When they wake up and ask to play outside in the snow, readily agree, and then stand inside the door and take a few pictures of them from the warmth of your house. Step 5: Re-mop the floors when they come back inside trailing the snow behind them. (Profanity optional) Step 6: When they ask what's for dinner, tell them there's lunch meat in the fridge and when they roll their eyes, remind them of the children around the world who would be thankful to have lunch meat in the fridge. Step 7: Dive into your secret stash of chocolates in hopes of soothing your nerves from all the fighting. Step 8: Put the children (and husband) to bed in hopes that a miraculous thaw will happen overnight and that the big yellow bus will once again stop at the end of your driveway.

Finally, and most importantly, you must then sit down to post an entry on your Facebook, documenting each loving detail of how much fun you had on your snow day, post the pics of your fun in the snow "together" and mention how much you're looking forward to another storm real soon.

Image is everything, people. We are the stay-at-home moms.

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