Mark this one on the books, people. I have no regrets.
Apparently, it took me a whopping 40 years to submit to God's plan for my life. Looking back on this year of peace, I ask myself, why in the crap did I endure years of turmoil by fighting to control my own choices? Did I really believe I knew what was best for me?
The bad news is, I'm still a hot mess of clay with a mountain of areas He's still molding in me and I'd be lying if I didn't admit that sometimes I crave to be let off the potter's wheel so I can catch my breath, but I'm still spinning.
The good news is, that means He hasn't given up on me and 'He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus' (Phil 1:6), is true.
So I submit. Daily. Because submission does not come naturally to me. But my plan in years past wreaked nothing but havoc.
Here's more good news. Isaiah 61:7 is also true. 'Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of their disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs.' Joyce Meyer calls that, "Getting double for your trouble."
I can name several areas of my life where I had to accept the loss of something that in hindsight was unhealthy, but now see where God replaced it at least double with something healthy. Unfortunately, my tendency is to cling to situations that are actually choking me and for my own good, God occasionally weeds my garden. Painful but necessary.
Here's the bottom line. I trust Him in all areas, therefore I submit to Him with a mutual understanding: I understand that He's in control and when He answers "No" to something, it's ultimately for my own good. He understands that I'm still going to insert my own free will and screw things up occasionally but that I'll try super hard to keep those to a minimum. That's called teamwork.
As a result, I'm able to look back at a year without regret and excitedly anticipate the year that lies ahead.
My remembrance of 2012 is a year of emotional freedom, physical health, training and adventure as well as spiritual landmarks and milestones. I committed to walking through any door that God opened for me, was subsequently violently shoved out of my comfort zone on all counts, and survived the frightening spin of the wheel simply by focusing my eyes on the potter. It felt like...joy!
Hopefully, this misshapen lump of clay called Me looks a little different on this last day of the year than it did on the first.
My resolution for 2013 is this: Do it all over again even better. Except maybe this year I'll willingly step out of my comfort zone and instead of waiting for God to swing the doors of opportunity completely open, I'll boldly kick a few down.
Okay, Lord. Let's do this.
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