Happy Mother's Day

This morning I read an article by Andrew McGinn that made my day. Not only do I also hate all things Caillou, but I finally found someone else willing to admit to stepping outside of the "How to raise an emotionally healthy and mentally stable child" box that someone, somewhere decided exists.

I'll admit, when our oldest child Z was born, I had every intention to conform to that box. Not only would he never be permitted to watch shows that society deemed "violent" but this son of mine would never be permitted to play with toy guns, either. He would grow up to be a peaceful gentleman who treated his younger sisters with nothing but kindness and the utmost respect. From my lips to God's ears....

Three years after he was born, as I proudly wore my invisible "Self-Righteous-Mother-of-the-Year" award on my forehead for all to see, I was stunned to walk into our playroom to find that he'd lathered rubber cement all over his 1-year old sister's head and was holding her to the wall until she dried. Holy crap.

Not long after that, while I was giving them baths, this "gunless-full-of-peace-and-love-future-gentleman" of mine began making gun shooting noises while aiming his man-part around the bathroom. The next day we went to the dollar store and stocked up on plastic toy guns.

From that day forward we took a more relaxed approach to parenting. It didn't take us long to become "those" parents who people place bets on how soon their kids will need therapy.

When he was 5, his favorite movie was Con-Air. (It still is.) When he was 7 and I knew he was telling me a lie, I wrapped the computer mouse around his hand, told him it was a lie-detector, and then I made it beep every time he answered. When he was 8, we realized we didn't know where he was and found him dangling by his shirt on our privacy fence gate. When he was 9, I attempted to home-school him "for his own emotional protection from the bad influences of public school." One day we got a bill from our cable company. Z, who was a fan of Play Station and Game Boy thought he hit the jackpot and found a television station that combined the two.....Playboy. We sent him back to school.

Clearly, we'd screwed up with this "How to raise a stable child" philosophy.....or is it that very philosophy that is screwing us up? Suddenly we live in a society where every child has to receive a ribbon whether they actually win or not for fear of scarring their little hearts. We now live in a world where to discipline a child is to strip them of their rights. Suddenly, it's considered emotional abuse to set standards for your children and then expect them to follow through.

Good grief. I'll take our way, thank you very much. And the proof is in the young adults we're witnessing our children become. A is 15 and K is 11 and they're growing into the sweetest and most respectful young ladies you'd ever meet. Z, at 17, is charming, funny and extremely responsible. (Well, he did say "balls" during his National Honor Society speech and got put on probation, but whatever.) And did I mention they're all on the Honor Roll? (No thanks to me, I assure you.)

The jury's still out on C, who's 4, but we have high hopes. Granted, she's addicted to Laverne & Shirley reruns, wants to work at Shotz Brewery when she grows up, enjoys staying up till 3am, sleeping till noon everyday and she begins each day with a cup of coffee. So far so good, wouldn't you say?

So I'm going to enjoy a guilt-free Mother's Day because why shouldn't I? I'm imperfect, I screw up, I have regrets, I make questionable choices and there are many areas I could and should improve on. But, God has blessed me with 4 amazing children, who I love wholeheartedly and unconditionally and who are "emotionally healthy and mentally stable" despite my parenting techniques. Wheew!

Happy Mother's Day to all those moms who do their best and trust God for the rest!

It's gravy, baby.

Please indulge me for a moment as I shamelessly brag casually mention something about myself. I can make gravy. And it tastes goooooooood.

Forgive me for that little lapse in humility, but after the week I had, I think you'll understand.

It started with a 3am visit from from the police because my husband's bank card didn't register in the gas pump and the cashier called and reported him as a "drive-off." Clearly a misunderstanding that we rectified with the gas station immediately, but still disconcerting to see your husband's picture via gas station camera along with license plate number and car description hanging on the "most wanted" wall behind the cash register, ya know? Well, maybe you don't. Just take my word for it then.

The week ended with a disastrous attempt at an Easter illustration with my kids called "Empty Tomb Cookies" that resulted in inappropriate nut jokes, a yolk in the egg-white batter, fighting over masking tape, 15 piles of tinted yellow globs of "Full Tomb Cookies" and a spanked toddler. None of which is a reflection on the Empty Tomb Cookies. I take full responsibility for our buffoonery. This is why we don't do crafts.

But on Good Friday, I made gravy. (Didn't sound like a big deal until it's up against mention of the police, gas station mug shots and spankings over Easter crafts, huh?)

Gravy was always my holiday nemesis. I pride myself on the ability to put together a yummy feast, but always had to ask guests to come early and whip up some gravy. Humiliating. But Good Friday, we had Z's girlfriend and A's boyfriend over for a Thanksgiving lunch with the extended family coming over later that evening for dessert, snacks, egg coloring, and games. That left me on gravy detail.

Enter Google. I printed off the first one where I recognized all the ingredients and went to work. I ran into one minor snafu when I realized I have no Poultry Seasoning. What to do? Skip it. I ended up with an amazing, creamy, delicious, lump-less, poultry-seasoning-less, gravy that makes my mouth water just remembering it.

It's almost enough to make me forget what happened the night before when I was trying to avoid stuffing hundreds of plastic eggs with candy. I told the kids we'd hunt empty eggs instead as a symbol of the empty tomb on Easter. The kids agreed. My husband claimed I "ruined Easter" and stormed from the room.

So let's talk about the gravy again.....aaahhhh.....the simple pleasures in life, am I right?

Gravy for Dummies

• 5 cups of turkey stock with pan drippings
• 1 can of condensed cream of chicken soup
• 1 tsp poultry seasoning (clearly optional)
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• 1/2 tsp seasoned salt
• 1/4 tsp garlic powder
• 1 cup milk
• 1/3 cup flour

1. Bring the turkey stock to a boil in a large saucepan.
   
2. Stir in soup and all the spices. Reduce heat to low and simmer
3. Warm the milk in the microwave and whisk in the flour with a fork until smooth.
4. Return the gravy to a boil and gradually stir in the milk mixture, stirring constantly.
5. Continue to cook while stirring for 1 minute or until thickened. It's gravy, baby.
   

Save it.

Crafts, Scrap Booking, Parent-Teacher Conferences, bedtime stories that aren't scary......a little starter list of "mom" activities I suck at. Please add coupons to the list.

Between my tendency to be frugal and my obsession with reality shows, it shouldn't come as a surprise that I stumbled onto the show called 'Extreme Couponing.' I didn't actually watch it, mind you, I just heard the title and put 2 and 2 together. (Research isn't my strong suit.)

I grabbed the giant stack of Sunday papers beside the fireplace and went to work. Before long I had an impressive little pile neatly stacked on top of my grocery list. To add to that, I went on-line and spent 2 hours looking up store ads, noting and comparing the sales of 2 different stores. I was downright giddy with the excitement of my new venture that would surely qualify me for the list of "Good stay at home moms."

My husband always comes grocery shopping with me. He does all the math in his head and tells me which is the better deal. I push the cart, keep track of the list and replace all the junk food to their shelves when his back is turned. It's a good system.

Last night was my coupon debut. Store #1. First stop: Laundry Detergent. I showed my husband the name brand item on sale and the coupon and asked him to compare it to the off-brand we normally buy and tell me how much money I just saved him....(insert Final Jeopardy music as he silently tallied numbers in his head while I stood there beaming).....he finally said, "A penny." (I came this close to bursting into tears, throwing my envelope of coupons on the floor and running to the car.....thank goodness I'm not dramatic or anything.)

An hour and a half later, we were at the check-out and my excitement was back. While my husband loaded up the conveyor belt, I stood with my coupons and excitedly repeated to the cashier that I had coupons until he finally responded. (I think I know how a toddler feels now. We just want responded to, okay?) Grand total saved at store #1: 5 bucks. (Insert profanity of choice here.)

Next stop: Dinner at Fridays. When our bill came to $30, my supportive husband pointed out that it actually only cost us $25 thanks to my couponing. That was a nice way of looking at it.

Off to store #2 where we immediately got into an argument in the toothpaste isle over whether the coupon was for a four ounce tube or a forty ounce tube. It got ugly. And for future reference, there is no such thing as a 40 oz tube of toothpaste. Now we know.

Two hours later, we were finally ready to check-out and bring this nightmare to an end. My husband asked if I could handle checking out by myself while he went to the bathroom. (Give me some credit....of course I can.) But when neither the cashier nor myself could figure out the individual cost of a package of cheese that was 3 for $5, I lay my head on the handle of my cart and said, "I give up."

The nice woman behind me came to my rescue. I turned to thank her and noticed her super-cool coupon organizer complete with built in calculator. I'm betting her name is on the "Good stay at home mom list" and that her bedtime stories don't scare her toddler. Whatever. Grand total saved at store #2: 7 bucks. (Gritting teeth so as not to cuss in front of Mrs. Cleaver behind me.)

I finished checking out and stopped outside the bathrooms to wait for my husband. I didn't think much of the small crowd of women gathered there until my husband casually strolled out of the Womens Restroom. Wow. Let's just blame the coupons, shall we?

Operation Basic Needs

Last fall, a friend who works at an orphanage in Mexico asked if we'd like to 'adopt' a brother & sister to send Christmas gifts to. We accepted and she emailed us their Christmas wish list. As the mother of 4 kids who has seen her fair share of Christmas wish lists, I was shocked to see some of the items these two children in Mexico had on theirs. Shampoo. Feminine hygiene products. Soap. Basic needs. And my heart broke.

I contacted my friend and she explained that although the orphanage provides a limited supply of hygiene products, the kids see it as a luxury to have their own. And my heart broke again. Not once have any of my children looked at a bottle of shampoo and considered it a luxury. They have no idea how good they have it.

We decided to follow through with this brother & sister by sending them a care box of basic needs every 4 months. As April approached and I purchased the supplies, I began to wonder how it could be possible for every child (or sibling group) to receive a care box of basic needs a few times a year.....and then I became overwhelmed at the prospect and dismissed it.

That Sunday, our pastor preached a sermon about the power of the Holy Spirit. He compared it to the power of a Lamborghini. He challenged us to stop trying to manually control everything and to start tapping into the power that God has provided. And the basic needs idea came to mind again and I contacted my friend at the orphanage.

In all honesty, I was secretly hoping she'd reply that it wasn't a good idea. That there's not really a need for that. Basically, I wanted off the hook. But she jumped on it. (Oh no.) And I began to panic. I was blow drying my hair and wondering what I'd just gotten myself into when I felt God speak to me. (He used to talk to me when I mowed the grass but when Ron revoked my mowing privileges, God resorted to cornering me while I blow dry my hair. And unfortunately, He's not usually saying "Great job down there!" but rather picking away at an area of my heart that needs to change.)

I felt God tell me to get out His way. My part in this became very clear. All I need to do is spread the word. And then I'm going to get out of His way and watch Him move.

So here it goes. There is an orphanage in Mexico who has a total (at this time) of 78 orphans. (This is where I would be panicking again, if not for access to my "Lamborghini.") Twenty sibling groups and twenty-one independent children. I believe that every one of these children should have access to their own supply of basic needs.

My intent for this blog entry isn't to guilt, pressure or even ask anything of anyone. I'm simply spreading the word. I'm also starting a Facebook Page called "Operation Basic Needs." All I ask is that if God nudges you in any way to join us in this ministry, could you please answer by contacting me? Let me know if you have questions or would like to 'adopt' a child or sibling group to send a care box to and I'll set you up with all the information. And if you feel led, could you help me spread the word? Also, please feel free to contact me if you'd like to help but cost is an issue. Thank you!

The ways you can contact me are:
1. Leave a comment through this blog with your email address or contact information. (It won't be published.)
2. Contact me through the "Operation Basic Needs" Facebook page and I'll message you.
3. Message me through my Facebook page for those who are on my friend list.
4. For those who have my email or phone, please feel free to contact me that way as well.

'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for Me.' (Matthew 25:40)

Some answers to some questions I've received:
1. How much does shipping cost? (The post office offers flat rate shipping ranging in price from $4.95 - $14.95. The basic needs for one child can typically fit into the $4.95 packaging. No weight limit.)
2. What are some of the basic needs? (The needs can vary depending on the gender and the age of the child but the basic hygiene needs are shampoo, lotion, soap, toothpaste, & toothbrush. I send out a list of other ideas and shipping info when I match you up. Please feel free to specify an age, gender, single child or sibling group if you have a preference!)

Redneck road trip

On the heels of the NHS scandal of 2011, amidst my email and voice mail being flooded with contact from local media outlets seeking our comment, it seemed like a really good time to leave the state. (God's timing? Probably.) Although we felt bad for the poor souls who were in charge of keeping an eye on our house while we were gone. Nothing like pissing a bunch of people off right before we hand over our keys to our friends. (Good luck!)

So last Friday afternoon we squealed calmly pulled out of our driveway and headed south. It was a treat to finally be able to turn off the van heater in Tennessee and by Georgia it was necessary to turn on the air conditioner. But we noticed an odd smell that went away when we turned the air conditioner off. We turned it on again. Bad smell. Turned it off again. Smell goes away. We repeated this cycle several times until we finally pulled into a McDonalds in Georgia to investigate. I'll spare you the gory details and the dramatic scene that accompanied the moment we all looked over the edge of the hood to discover our barn cat who'd been missing for a few days. (Please insert moment of silence on behalf of 'Willis' here.)

Well so far we were off to a great start. Besides a mangled barn cat who'd now joined us on our trip, our 4-year old stayed wide awake and chatting the first 12 hours of the drive, there was massive amounts of construction in Georgia and an idiot trying to take our order at the McDonalds on exit 18 who should drop to her knees and give thanks that my husband physically blocked me from climbing through her drive-thru window to kick her a** at 5am on March 19th. I'd reached my breaking point. I'm only human.

After a mere 18 hours in the van, we arrived at our destination. We had now descended on the retirement community where my in-laws spend their winters. Wow, was that community of retirees in for a treat, or what? We passed through the gate and were greeted by the speed limit sign. (14.9 mph, people.) We no sooner passed the sign when a woman driving an SUV ran into a gentleman riding his bike. (She must have been going 15. See why there are rules?) He was okay, but by the looks of things when he rode away, his bike had seen better days.

After settling in, the first stop was the community pool. Having never stayed in a retirement community before, we were slightly stunned to find the pool dotted with retirees who simply floated on noodles. No movement. No swimming. No waves. I felt like I'd just stumbled onto the set of "Cocoon." But by the looks on their faces, they were equally as stunned to see my large freshly sun blocked and bathing suit clad family heading their direction. (Go ahead, babe....show em your famous cannon ball.)

All in all, it was a really wonderful week. Everyone was friendly and welcomed our crazy family with open arms. They even tolerated us at the pool.....huddled together at the opposite end of wherever we were, but tolerated us nonetheless. Several of my in-laws neighbors loaned us their bikes to use while we were there. (We were careful to abide by the 14.9 mph rule, lest we end up with another scandal on our hands.) When I tried out my roller blades and my ankles got tired and I ended up having to be pulled on the back of Z's bike for 2 miles, everyone politely got out of our way as quickly as they could without complaint.

They'd recently voted to allow the hot tub to remain open 24 hours. Our family utilized that new luxury a lot. Probably not too surprising to hear that we were the only ones ever up there after midnight. Could be because you have to brave the dark alligator infested lake to get to the hot tub or it could have been because the first night C stepped into that hot water, she abruptly squatted and peed in it. Either way, we had the place to ourselves.

Too bad the pee trick didn't work at the ocean. Three of my family members openly peed in those waters, but the spring breakers were undeterred. Thankfully we had a high bouncing water ball as back-up and people quickly realized they didn't want to be anywhere near my family at the beach.

But the beaches were beautiful and we spent an amazing week with lots of extended family and it was awesome. We did lots of fun activities, ate tons of great food and came away with unbelievable tans.

The drive back home went much smoother than the drive down there. And thanks to my husband's rage while listening to the Buckeyes get beat on the radio, we made it through Georgia in record time.

And when we returned, we found our house intact and everything exactly as we left it.....minus one barn cat, of course.

UPDATE

Wow! So much has happened over the past 48 hours. Z was given the date for a hearing for a time when we will be on vacation and he couldn't attend to defend himself. (Not cool.) When he requested a new hearing date, the unprofessional teacher refused. All the while, no one from the school contacted my husband or myself and we're his parents! And he's a minor! What the heck is going on around here?!?

So today was spent making phone calls and sending emails. As it turns out, we weren't the only ones making phone calls and sending emails on Z's behalf.

I'm extremely pleased to tell you we think it's over. We finally received a phone call from the principal tonight around 8:45! I have no idea what finally brought him to the point of contacting us. It could have been the massive amounts of support for Z by all of you wonderful people! Thank You! Could have been some awesome pro-active friends like you who actually sent letters! Thank You! It could have been the 'Keep Z in NHS fan page' that quickly racked up 129 (and still counting) followers. Or it could have been our scheduled interview with Channel 2 news tomorrow morning, thanks to a great friend who emailed them on our behalf! Thank You!

But the bottom line is; he dismissed the hearing and Z will be on a short probation. We'll take it! He might also have to write a letter stating that he didn't intend to offend anyone. We'll take that too! Because, truly, he didn't mean to offend anyone. He and I are meeting with the principal tomorrow morning where I plan on addressing the inappropriate behavior of some of the adults involved and I expect that to go very well. If not, you all will be the first to know.

We can't thank all of you enough! The outpouring of support, offers from people to represent him at his hearing, a friend who met with a lawyer on Z's behalf, the National Branch of the National Honor Society taking our case, and Channel 2 for responding so quickly to get to the bottom of this. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

We have a wonderful support system. Z has an amazing group of friends and has even made a lot of new friends from the other schools that night who have jumped on his support team. You're all awesome!

We couldn't be more proud of Z and the way he's handled himself through this entire ordeal. From his amazing speech, the impressive tumbling and his calm demeanor as he learned the art of defending his rights. Life experience is the best teacher of all.

And never forget: "We only fight when we're provoked." ~as spoken by Z in his speech~

Thanks again!

Love you all,

~Momma~

Here's the link to the video of his speech for anyone who hasn't had the pleasure of seeing it yet:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nr0l6v30LXU

N.H.S. (No Humor Society)

Our family + a stuffy banquet full of speeches = The perfect storm.

Add to that the fact that our 17 year old son was required to deliver one of those speeches and you've got potential for an evening that will go down in history.

As mentioned a few entries ago, Z made the National Honor Society exactly one month ago today. On top of that, he was chosen as one of 3 candidates to run for Vice President of the county wide chapter.

For the past several days, he's been busy working on a speech. My husband and I encouraged him to be himself and show his individuality by adding some humor. Yesterday at school he found out that the English teacher had encouraged the other 2 candidates to do the same and it confirmed we were on the right track.

Last night was the banquet. Z's girlfriend and I attended while my husband stayed home with our daughters. We were excited to be at our very first NHS banquet. We sat with a family who was attending their 3rd NHS banquet and they filled us in on how brutally boring the evening would be. Oh great. But we found out a useful tidbit of information: the kids in the NHS are the ones who vote. Good to know. The humor route should be a hit.

After dinner the families were dismissed into the auditorium. First up to give speeches were the 3 candidates for President. It was clear that all 3 were given the same advice of adding humor and the crowd politely laughed their support for all 3 students.

Next up, the 3 candidates for Vice President. As Z walked by me to take the stage, I reached out and took his hand and told him to go for it. And he did. He was the 2nd presenter and the only boy of the group. The girl before him took the serious approach and stood up there and read off her qualifications and the crowd politely applauded. Z got up and openly admitted that the girl's qualifications would be hard to compete with, therefore as a cook at Pizza Hut, he campaign promised some extra toppings on the pizzas of the kids who secured him their votes. It was cute and the crowd laughed their approval. Then he listed off a few of his accomplishments while adding a few more humorous comments and the crowd laughed their approval each time.

Something you might want to know about our family: If you laugh your approval, we'll keep going and we might suddenly take it to a new level. Be ready for it.

Then he listed his sports and activities and he ended with his ability to juggle.....and then he said, "Don't worry. I've been instructed not to play with my balls on stage." And the crowd roared and applauded the first kid in the history of NHS to mention his balls on stage. (His juggling balls, people. Get your minds out of the gutter.) And their approval went on for quite a long time. To the point where you could barely hear his closing remark, which was, "I'm not standing up here asking for you to vote for me, I'm simply asking you not to vote for them" as he motioned toward his opponents. And the auditorium went wild as my son exited the stage and kids and parents gave him high fives on the way back to his seat. He became an instant celebrity and when the kids began marking their ballots without yet hearing from the final candidate, I knew he'd just nailed himself the position of Vice President.

The rest of the evening I couldn't stop beaming with pride at this son of mine who used to be so shy that the thought of speaking to a large crowd would have never even been an option a couple of years ago. The thought of putting himself out there in a position to be judged by a group of his peers would have never happened.

Yet he's done it twice in the period of a month. The first time was during a church event when he hijacked the microphone and asked his girlfriend to prom and to accept his class ring in front of about 400 people. (Thankfully she said yes to both.) And last night he stood in front of an auditorium full of people he'd never met and delivered a fantastic speech complete with comedic timing. Yes, I was proud.

And as an added bonus, when his name was called to light his candle and receive his membership card, he did a round-off back-hand-spring across the stage. And the crowd woke up yet again.

When it came time to 'tap' the new Vice President everyone was on the edge of their seats to watch the inevitable. Everyone knew who was about to be tapped. So when the girl who delivered the first speech was tapped, everyone sat in stunned silence. Even the girl who had just been tapped. (As it turns out, she voted for Z too.)

Afterward, Z was surrounded by parents who were thanking him for making what is a notoriously brutal evening something to talk about and by all the kids who were confused because they'd voted for him. Clearly, there is some question about the voting system here. Obviously, there are powers that be who can override the decision of the very NHS members who are voting on who they want to represent them. Don't get me wrong, it's not that Z was better qualified than anyone else or that we're not happy for the girl who ended up winning.But last night, the people spoke and 'someone' took away their voice because 'someone' didn't like the final result. Nice message you're sending to the next generation.

To make matters worse, on our way out, Z approached his 2 teachers. Not only did they glare and refuse to speak to him, but one of them pointed and told him to get out. Not only was that horribly unprofessional, but a poor representation of someone involved in the National Honor Society.

Did he say balls on stage? Yes. Did he choose a different method to cross the stage to receive his card? Yes. Did he bring some life to what was otherwise a boring event much to the crowd's approval? Yes. And did he get penalized for it? Absolutely.

We're not sure what today will hold for him at school. Will he be reprimanded? Will he be kicked out of the NHS? Quite possibly. (Oh well, it was a good month while it lasted.) But the bottom line is, Z did exactly what was asked of him. He put himself out there, showing humor, individuality, and leadership. And that's pretty 'Honor'-able by our standard.