The one where our dog "allegedly" killed a chicken

 Last week I referenced a scandal involving our dog and a dead chicken. While there are some who know the story, there are many who don't. You'll realize very soon why I've never publicly blogged this story, but for some reason 2023 rolled around and I threw caution to the wind. 

The majority of you might laugh. A handful might not. Majority rules. 

A number of years ago, we pulled in our driveway after church to find one of our dogs laying in the front yard with the perfectly intact body of a dead chicken. The only people we knew with chickens lived across from us, which begged the never ending question- why did the chicken cross the road?

At first glance, one might automatically assume that our dog killed the chicken but I don't think she did, and if she did, it was an accident because she's motherly like that.

My theory remains that the chicken was crossing the road (the world has never figured out why) and a semi sped by and launched the chicken into our yard where it died on impact. 

Regardless of how it died, if my dog was craving chicken, she would've been eating the freakin' chicken. But she wasn't. She was just laying beside it. Until like, help arrived or something. 

Anyway, none of that is even the point of the story. The point of the story comes when Ron decided it'd be best for everyone if he quietly disposed of the chicken's body and be done with it.

He'd just dropped the chicken into a trash bag when the neighbor headed our way.

Why did the chicken's owner cross the road?

I think we all know the answer to that one.

She asked Ron, "Have you seen any of our chickens?"

Ron, having just returned from CHURCH and holding in his hand a bag containing one of her chickens answered "No. Why?"

She said, "They seem to be disappearing."

Ron- "Probably coyotes."

Ron's not great at giving answers on the fly. Everyone knows a real coyote would've eaten it. Only Wile E Coyote would be going around planting evidence. This ain't a Looney Tunes episode.

Then she asked it. The question that brought her across the road. Almost like she'd seen what he did or something..."What's in the bag?"

Ron stood facing our neighbor, holding the evidence in his hand, backed into a corner with the truth being his only way out. With no hesitation, he looked her straight in the eye and answered..."A cat."

Aaaand this just became a Looney Tunes episode.

They stood staring at each other until she reached out and took the bag out of his hands.

Dude. Seriously?

For 1, you just told a major lie about what was in the bag you were holding.

For 2, if she reaches for that bag, she's probably gonna look inside.

You didn't even put up a fight? Ask to see a warrant? Nothin'?

As expected, she opened the bag and yelled "That's my chicken!" then turned on her heel and walked her chicken back across the road.

So a few years later when I saw her standing in our driveway talking to Ron, I quickly walked outside and super casual like asked, "What's wrong?"

She asked, "Have you seen our cat?"

A fair question. I glanced over at Ron to make sure he wasn't standing there holding a bag.