Lessons I've learned the hard way

1. Don't touch dry ice with your bare fingers.

2. Think it through before you "get something off your chest" to someone you love. The 2 minutes you'll feel justified isn't worth the permanent damage you've done in the process. You can take the nail out of the fence but the hole will still be there.

3. Not many people are worth the fight.

4. People will always let each other down. I am no exception so allow me this opportunity to make a mass apology.

5. If you're looking for self-worth in anything but Jesus Christ, you'll always come up feeling empty.

6. If money is your primary focus you'll never believe you have enough.

7. Never pray for patience.

8. Satan will use the misery of others to steal your joy. Be ready for it.

9. Babies aren't the only ones capable of getting their days and nights mixed up. Toddlers possess that same talent for screwing with you.

10. If the toddler and the dog are left alone in a room with wrapping paper and tape, the dog will eventually be re-gifted.

11. Don't bother starting a diet in January until all the leftovers are gone.

12. If you Google diseases you'll most assuredly come down with the symptoms.

13. Our jobs as moms is to love our children unconditionally and expect nothing in return.

14. I shouldn't push the cart in Menards...or Lowes.

15. You should never let your baby sleep in your bed unless you're ready to sacrifice the middle for the next 3 years. We made that mistake 4 out of 4 times....five if we have another baby. (Some mistakes are worth repeating.)

16. There are people who have high expectations of how they should be treated without giving a second thought to treating you the exact opposite.

17. When watching your toddler's gymnastics class and another mom asks 'Which one is yours?' don't be surprised if yours chooses that exact moment to start picking her nose with one hand and her wedgie with the other.

18. In the world of Facebook, people will defriend you. Go ahead and assume it was 'something you said.'

19. After seeing the movie 'Tangled' I realize it's possible to be attracted to the leading man in a cartoon. I'm not saying it's not creepy....just that it's possible.....

20. When a grown man and a teenage boy encounter a mouse on the stairs, you'll hear what sounds like the screams of two little girls. Don't lose respect. They can't help themselves.

21. A German Shepherd is capable of pulling an entire pot of chili off of the stove.

22. There's no way to manipulate the numbers on a digital scale in the doctors office.

23. The queen is fine....but beware of her mother.

24. When you have a husband and a teenage son you will eventually find yourself saying, "That's what she said" and giggling at ball humor. Embrace it.

25. Sarcasm isn't always appreciated....but that should never stop you.