We Do Re-Do, part 1

If you didn't know, our original wedding is not a day I look back on with fond memories. When Zac was 2 years old, I found him in our bedroom ripping up our album and I wasn't even mad. I almost joined him, to be honest. 

On our 29th anniversary last January, I asked Ron if he'd like to do a vow renewal and have a new wedding for our 30th and he shot that down fast and told me he'd take care of planning our 30th anniversary. So suspecting he'd book a cruise or maybe another pole dancing party bus, I put it out of my mind because he's earned my trust on surprise planning and most of the year I've been preoccupied with planning Kearstin and Trevor's wedding.

Our granddaughters were so infatuated with Kearstin and Trevor's first dance, that 2 weeks after their wedding, I planned a "royal ball" in my building. We all dressed up in our fancy wedding clothes and had our own private princess dance. Zac created the playlist and when one of my favorite songs (Love of a lifetime, by Firehouse) came on, I grabbed Ron's hand and we started to dance, which was exactly what everyone knew would happen when that song came on. But then halfway through, that song stopped, and our wedding song (When I look into your eyes, by Firehouse) started. 

Way back when, during the planning of our first wedding, when I dug my heels in on THIS being the song played during our wedding, I was told that someday I'd regret not choosing "something more reverent." Thirty years later, nope. Still don't.

Anyhooo, that song kicked on and I was  completely shocked when Ron dropped to one knee and proposed with a new wedding band set. He didn't even drop to one knee to propose to me the first time around so I was stunned. Then he told me that he rented the building at a local park and our Pastor was already booked for our vow renewal at 1:30pm on Saturday December 10th...my birthday...and I had exactly 6 weeks to plan everything else to create my dream wedding.

Thankfully, our kids were in on the whole thing because his original plan was to surprise me by telling me we're going out to dinner for my birthday, but then we'd show up at our 2nd wedding that I had no say in, with me wearing whatever I happened to be wearing to Longhorn steakhouse that day. Surprise! 

And my glorious children who love me said, "Ohhhh dad, noooo."

So I got down to business. 

First things first. Get a refund on that building in the park. I'm entirely too frugal to spend money on a building when we have our own building and I'd rather that money go toward a kick-a** photographer, because (((all brides listen up)))! If there's ONE thing you DO NOT want to skimp on for your wedding, it's the photographer. Those pictures are the thing that you'll have in your hand to remember your day for the rest of your life. Do your research. 

With the help of my Facebook friends, I found my perfect match with Kandalyn and Tony Green Photography, who I connected with immediately, and as it turned out, also offers Boudoir Photo Shoots and a discount for brides. My first thought was that I'm too old for such photos. But my second thought was, no I'm actually not and I booked my shoot. More on that later.

Next, I changed the time of our wedding from 1:30pm to 5:45pm. Ron was confused. "But 1:30 was the time of our first wedding." Okay, now I'm confused. "What about our first wedding would I want to replicate?" Short answer- absolutely nothing. Also, a December wedding with a giant beautiful lit Christmas tree, candles, white lights everywhere, and Ron and I dressed in black screams evening wedding.

Photo credit: Barbara Courter

Which brings me to my dress. I knew exactly what I wanted and google searched- black formal dress, racer back straps, corset style back, slit leg...and then I stopped typing because I literally had that dress hanging in my closet. It was a dress my mom bought me back in 2003 as a reward for losing 100 pounds and it's timeless. She passed away in 2017 and the thought of wearing that dress in this wedding was just too perfectly wonderful to look any further. More money saved to go for the photographer too. Win!

With the bride and groom wearing black, I wanted our bridesmaids (our daughters) in silver dresses and the Flower Princesses (our granddaughters) in red dresses and princess crowns. Let's just stay here for a minute- black, silver, pops of red, white lights, evening wedding, come onnn! I'm not sure how this country redneck chick ended up planning a formal wedding, but I tapped into my inner Boujie and let 'er roll.

Photo credit: Barbara Courter

I got everything planned and booked for this wedding within one week. Almost like a shotgun wedding, except I'm not pregnant. *knocks on wood* 

The girls ordered dresses of their choice and when they began arriving we noticed that some of them were different shades of gray...wait a minute...did I just accidentally plan a Shades of Gray wedding? Of course I did. *wheels start spinning: guys in leather, the arch draped with chains, handcuff chair sashes, and the wedding theme changes from 'Still The One' to '50 Shades of Great!' Too far? Maybe too far. Sometimes I think God made me for laughs. Or maybe He accidentally added a touch too much spice to my mix. 

Speaking of spice, let's talk Boudoir. Y'all know that's why you're really here. Ladies, listen up. You're not "too fat", you're not "too old", you're not "too" anything. Do it. If not for your husband, do it for yourself. A great photographer will make you look and feel absolutely gorgeous and confident and every woman should feel that way about themselves and you gotta start somewhere. May as well go all in by stripping down and getting some sexy photos.

With only 6 weeks before our wedding and wanting to give Ron my pictures as a wedding gift, I had very little time to prepare for my shoot, if it's even possible to prepare for that kind of shoot. But I knew, for me, a fresh tan was a must to feel my best, but my summer tan had faded so a spray tan was my only option.

I'd never gotten a spray tan before and was terrified I'd have to give my husband pictures of me looking like a giant sexy orange Oompa Loompa. So I reached out to a trusted friend who referred me to a place and I booked an appointment.

I walked in and she took one look at my 'Italian Pale' skin tone and said, "Oh, I'm gonna Venetian Bronze youuu" and we stepped behind the curtain with her tanning gun. I think we might be dating now.

I left with strict instructions for the next 12 hours- Do not get wet. Do not sweat. Do not have sex.

Full disclosure: As a fitness instructor with a hot husband, 2 of those is gonna be a major problem for me. I cancelled my evening classes, but my husband got a second-hand tan. I can only sacrifice so much here.

The following day, I showed up to my shoot freshly bronzed and armed with "sexy clothes" I was instructed to bring- So I pulled out 2 footballs and my husband's old jersey because nothing screams sexy clothes like ripped and blood stained sporting equipment, am I right? Yeah, you know I'm right. 

With my permission, the photographer posted a few of my pictures to a private Boudoir Facebook group. Private, right? What's the worst that could happen? Well. Finding out within minutes of my pictures going up how many women from our community, the school district, and my past and present fitness classes that are part of that private group, if you really wanna know the answer to that. Then trying to avoid eye contact with everyone at the high school football game that Friday for fear that anyone might come up to me and mention sexy pictures they saw, which might ruin my big surprise for him. 

So maybe we both have a natural inclination toward ill-planned surprise ideas. But in my defense, he was gonna ruin my 2nd wedding with his surprise. Mine was just half naked pictures of myself posted on-line. No comparison. 

Now fast forward to the night I showed him the pictures, terrified that he would laugh. He did not laugh. As a matter of fact, he didn't even believe it was me and kept referring to me in 3rd person. 

Like, "Who is she?" 

That's me. 

"Why is she wearing my jersey?" 

Dude. Me.

He said he was afraid it was a trap to see if he was attracted to another woman. 

Not that I wouldn't do that, I just didn't think of it. 

Once he grasped what was happening, his questions changed to "Where were you and who was taking your pictures like that?" Fair line of questioning and I assured him it was the Kandalyn of Kandalyn and Tony Green Photography. Not the Tony.

And then he said I could be a lingerie model. Which obviously, I could not be a lingerie model, but that was just about the best compliment a 51 year old grandma could hear from her husband of 30 years. 

Finally he asked who else has seen these pictures. Funny story...

 

I'll leave you with my husband's gift to me. Probably the closest I'll get to receiving a boudoir picture from him and maybe the closest this blog will get to posting one. My family seems to think I've gotten "enough exposure." (For now.) 

 

Stay tuned for Part II- the wedding of my dreams...including 4 Amish horses, a Wendy's triple cheeseburger, and a dog poop obstacle course. Would you expect anything less from my dream wedding?