"The fact that I wanted to gouge out her eyeballs and shove them into my ears to escape the irritating sound of her voice doesn't make me unsociable."
"I have a sensitive soul, wouldn't you say?....Say yes."
"You just hit a small animal. Again."
"You almost had a friend and you went and lost his frisbee. Good luck sleepin tonight."
"I rarely take a picture of my poop, but..."
Reply: "I'm gonna stop ya right there."
"I don't make the rules. I just exhort them."
"I didn't realize my wife had that kind of power. Just a second while I see if she'll authorize me to come over there and kick your ass."
"Security's too tight, dude. You can't just walk around carrying a bucket of fuel."
"Nope. Stickin with butt crust."
"I felt a breeze and maybe some toe hair."
"I'll whip this thing around and pee on you. Don't think I won't."
"Even I realize that's wrong and I have an extremely low standard of socially acceptable behavior."
"Start calling me Big Country...especially out in public."
"It looks like I've got a hickey."
Reply: "Considering what you're wearing, no one would be surprised."
"I'm sorry, as funny as it may be, I draw the line at blogging about the dead guy."
That last quote was obviously said by me. I threw that one in to prove that I do have a line I won't cross. Considering my farting dogs, inserted yogurt, accidental jello-induced inebriation and vibrating underwear, I know some of you had your doubts.
On that note; stay tuned for blog coverage of my husband's first prostate exam. Be excited.