Thursday, May 17, 2012
Hopefully the lesson becomes clear. And fast.
Here's the deal. My husband planned a business trip. He also planned to take me with him. Half of that plan was carried out. The other half fell through. Guess which half didn't get to go?
I worked through all the emotions with that. Rage. Sadness. (I played the Martyr Card for about a minute until I remembered how much I despise the Martyr Card.) Disappointment. Back to rage. Then I decided that I liked the rage...a lot...I was really enjoying the rage.
I finally worked my way to acceptance and began making the most of the 3 days I'd have with my kids and also creating a very special homecoming date the day he comes home. He's only gone Wednesday to Friday but we're never apart so that seems like a really long time! Especially considering that it was supposed to be "our getaway." (Uh oh, I just went back to rage for a second there.)
Yesterday, C and I dropped him off at the airport early in the morning, both of us in our jammies and neither of us wearing shoes. We're classy like that. The first half of the trip back home focused on trying to explain to C that daddy won't be home "tomorrow" but he'll be home "the next tomorrow." At the halfway point, she announced she hadn't peed since last night. Two minutes later, we were running into a dirty Rest Stop bathroom. Barefoot. *shudder* Then we consoled ourselves with an over-priced Tim Horton's donut. (A .95 cent donut should come lathered in Godiva Chocolate, NOT lightly scattered with multi-colored sprinkles. Shame on you, Mr. Horton.)
But the rest of the day, although bumpy, was productive. I got most everything done that I'd planned and spent a fun Girls Night with my daughters eating Lee's Famous Recipe chicken on my bed while we watched The Bachelorette season premier on dvr. We had a few bouts with a sobbing C, who misses her daddy, but we survived.
Enter today. The busiest day that included a bunch of errands, lunch with a friend, the pup's first Vet appt, plans for C and her friend to get their ears pierced together, home for pizza with the kids and topped off with K & A's end of year choir and band concert. This day was going to be productive, fun and most importantly, fast! My husband comes home tomorrow!
So when I was making my coffee and heard C vomiting in the bathroom, my heart sank. First of all, a flu-ridden 5 year old is very sad. My heart breaks when any of my children are sick. It comes with the mom territory. But secondly, my day was just reduced to sitting in the rocking chair with my sick sleeping child. Not productive. Not fun. Not fast. Sitting and rocking.
Clearly, I wasn't meant to be on that trip with my husband. I'm needed at home. I get that and I accept that. But what else? What am I supposed to do with this long day spent alone with nothing but my own thoughts? God has obviously decided that today I will be still.
"Be still and know that I am God." ~Psalm 46:10~
This is a hard week for me! I just wanted time to move a little faster for a few days! I know that you are God! Why must I be still today of all days? This week of all weeks? So much to do! The perfect time to get it all done!
All it took was for my sick child to say, "Mommy, can we by-o in the chair today?" And my world stopped. The One who created me knew that it would.
Had He said, "Will you cancel your plans and be still for me today?" Sad to say, it wouldn't have happened.
He knows me and today He wants me to be still. I'm not sure what's behind it and I don't know why. All I know is Who, and today that will have to be enough.