The one where Zac brought smelling salts into the restaurant

Let me tell you a common occurrence that happens in our family. We plan a day out on the boat with 3 dogs and an expectation to dock at one of the many restaurants around the lake and grabbing some takeout to eat on the boat. Then evening rolls around and we start frantically searching for a freaking restaurant with a kitchen that's still open while the babies meltdown, the adults get hangry (and maybe a little mean) and one finally runs inside a restaurant to pee and comes back with 3 penis coladas from the bar that was mercifully still serving drinks.

1. Believe it or not that wasn't me. (This time)

2. Also that wasn't a typo up there, if you happened to catch it. It took exactly one time for Scarlet to accidentally call a Pena Colada "penis colada" for our family to start calling it penis colada forever.

We finally gave up and returned to our dock to drive cars to a Mexican Restaurant that was smart enough to stay open till 8pm on Memorial Day weekend, because they know the difference between right and wrong.

Unlike us, who showed up at a restaurant with smelling salts and 3 dogs who ended up drinking my penis colada and trashing our van while we ate.

So here's the breakdown of how such a thing even happened. 

(The salts, not the drunk German Shepherds.)

Zac gets sleepy at work so he bought himself a bag of "The world's strongest smelling salts", which seemed the better solution over say, going to bed earlier at night or something. He told Ron about the smelling salts he had in his car and Ron told him to go get them.

I didn't hear any of this conversation because Barbara, Aubrey, and I were huddled over my cell phone listening to Kearstin fill us in on how she spent her weekend. That's important to note because I never would've allowed the smelling salts to enter the scene or at the very least would've put up an argument on behalf of common sense.

But instead, I heard a bunch of gasping and laughing, so I turned and came face to face with an open container of the strongest smelling salts known to man and for one split second saw Jesus before the taste of cat piss hit the back of my throat and I bolted from the table just in time to violently vomit in the bathroom. The sound everyone hopes to hear while they're eating in a restaurant, I'm sure.

I returned to our table too livid to even speak. 

If the waiter didn't hate us yet, after dinner Zac took Scarlet to the bathroom and sealed the deal. 

You see, the door to the women's bathroom swings open super easy and that's the hallway leading to the kitchen. Zac was waiting for her out in the hall, noticed our waiter coming from the kitchen and made eye contact with him right before Scarlet burst out of the bathroom and nailed our waiter straight in the face with the door. Zac heard the smack and him yell "Jesus Christ!"

That makes 2 Jesus sightings.

Hold on buddy, we got smelling salts.