I know, hide your shock as you note scenes from our family's Mother's Day party bus below.
There are far too many reasons why I am the way I am to go into here, but my therapist has most of it on file, so it's in writing in an undisclosed location and probably under lock and key. Just know that if you're trying to figure me out, don't do that to yourself.
Now combine me with Ron's personality (undiagnosed officially due to refusal of therapy), then throw in all of our kids and their kids, and together we make up an extremely fun, tight knit, loving, and very poorly supervised party.
Did I mention we're hilarious? Like, 60% of people who meet us would agree. The other 40% get blogged about. You see where this is going now, right?
*Cue the Fresh Prince Theme Song*
Now this is a story all about how
my week got flipped- turned upside down
and I'd like to take a minute
just sit down y'all
I'll tell you all about the drama surroundin' dodgeball
I'll stop before Will Smith shows up and smacks the funny outta me.
On Friday April 29th, Caymen came home from school and said that the school was having a dodgeball tournament on Monday and she was told that she could come up with their team name. She chose- Mother Duckers. She texted her team, they approved, and the Mother Duckers were born.
Now. I obviously can't tell you how a "normal" mother would react to that. I can only tell you what I did with it. I made a Facebook post, because clever humor is my greatest of love languages, not counting sex and cake...also words of affirmation if you wanna get technical about the actual love languages.
From that Facebook post came a Mother Ducker team sponsor. Seriously. A lady I've never met in Louisiana contacted me and sent a generous amount of money for my daughter Aubrey to make shirts for each person on the team, as well as one for herself and she even had one made for me too.
(((HUGE SHOUT OUT TO DANA O.)))
Aubrey made the shirts and delivered them to me on Sunday morning, because when it comes to humor- we don't, we don't, we don't mess around HEY! I don't know where that's from, but I feel like you should be chanting that in your head as you read it.
So I wore my shirt to help our daughter Kearstin move into a new super fancy apartment complex and our entire family jumped in to help because that's how our family rolls. So 13 of us altogether, including 4 highly charged babies ages 4-7. (I've always called them "the babies" and probably always will.)
Some shots of a few of our moving crew for your enjoyment:
With 13 people and a 26 foot moving truck, we made it in one trip, and 6 hours later she was settled in and we were chilling out and eating pizza in their beautiful new apartment complex, which Scarlet (one of my 4 year old granddaughters) was convinced and subsequently convinced the others, had a playground down there.
"Down there" was a long strip of straw covered grass leading from Kearstin's outdoor patio, past a row of neighboring patios, and over a small hill. Being only one way to find out, the 4 babies and I headed that direction...until an older couple came running out of their apartment yelling "WE'RE TRYING TO GROW GRASS!!!"
Cool. We're trying to find a playground. We've all got goals.
They looked me up and down and then from me to each of the babies and asked "Did you all just move in?' and the looks on their faces told me they were scared to death I was about to say yes. As tempting as it was to totally screw with them for fun, I told them the truth and regretted it as soon as they looked so obviously relieved.
After 7 minutes of my life I'll never get back listening to them drone on about "the rules of the housing association" we returned to Kearstin's apartment where we spent the next 20 minutes feeling bad about trespassing over their straw grass imagining all the hilarious things our family could do to torment the living crap out of them and laughing about it until we cried.
People should stop triggering us. We have entirely too much fun with that.
Not for the first time, I wondered how our first impressions go so terribly wrong and Kearstin said, "For starters, look at your shirt."
Well, there's that. Refer back to the opening sentence at the top.
MEANWILE...during the move, Caymen was receiving texts from a girl on their dodgeball team allllll day about the dodgeball shirts, and wanting to see pictures of the shirts, because her mom could make everyone shirts if they buy their own shirt.
Quick review: Dodgeball was the NEXT day, WE ALREADY HAD SHIRTS, and thanks to our generous sponsor, they're FREE. But this chick would not let it go.
The following day, Caymen wore her shirt to school and gave the rest to the "texting girl" to pass out to everyone else on the team. Caymen received many compliments from students AND TEACHERS who appreciated the clever humor because how could they not?
BUT THEN...and if you've been here before you know that no good comes from BUT THEN...
Caymen was informed that the dodgeball tournament wasn't that day, but the FOLLOWING Monday.
Everybody think it together now: SH*T.
For those who don't understand the problem here, that gives anyone with no sense of humor 7 whole days to cause us trouble about this harmless fun that hurts absolutely no one.
*side eyeing you, texting girl.*
So surprise surprise when Thursday evening rolled around and "texting girl" began texting Caymen that she showed the Ducker shirt around and was told they couldn't wear them, so her mom was going to make new shirts and Caymen would need to buy one, so of course we disregarded everything she said.
The following day she returned all the shirts to Caymen, having never even passed them out, and then took it upon herself to change the team name to 'Complete Chaos' which is not only dumb, but 100% appropriate since that's exactly what she caused for no other reason than to stir up unnecessary drama and be in control of something.
Monday was D-Day...Dodgeball Day...
Since we never heard about any changes or complaints from anyone in an actual position of authority at the school, Caymen stuck with Plan A and wore her Mother Duckers t-shirt to school and I spent the day wearing mine, just in case I got a call from the school saying Caymen was wearing inappropriate humor and I needed to bring her a new shirt. (On the off-chance they don't yet realize how short a distance that apple fell from the tree.)
So that morning, texting girl approached Caymen in the hallway with a new team shirt. *Cue the western showdown music and rolling tumbleweed*
Texting girl said, "Here's your dodgeball shirt."
And Caymen removed her hooded sweatshirt revealing her Ducker and said, "No. Here's my dodgeball shirt."
That was followed by a disappointed but anti-climactic "okay" and a walk away. Well that was easy.
So texting girl wore her Complete Chaos shirt for the game and Caymen wore Mother Duckers and everybody else on their team wore their regular clothes because texting girl ruined it for everybody.
All of which brings me to this. I now have in my possession 4 un-used Mother Ducker t-shirts that I'll be giving away. (1 Small, 1 Medium, and 2 X-Larges). So if I happen to have 4 crazy readers who appreciate our hilarity and would like a free, albeit scandalous t-shirt, message me to enter your name into a drawing just in case I have more than 4 crazy readers. I'll contact you if you win to set up delivery or shipping details, depending on where you live. (I'll draw the names on May 21st.) If you don't win and would still like to order a t-shirt, my daughter will happily hook you up for $15. Bonus points if you message me a picture of yourself wearing your t-shirt and, you never know, possibly a feature in a follow-up blog post.
Remember the last time one person stirred up an unnecessary t-shirt scandal with us?
It turned into a successful line of 'Sassy's Bounce House' merch.
So now we gonna spread some Mother Ducking love.
Who's in?
