He built me a building on our property. My very own place that will never shut down. A place for me to work out, dance with my friends, host our family gatherings, and give the grand babies the best playhouse I could possibly dream up for them.
Ron and a contractor spent 3 months building my vision, and in May 2021, 'Sassy's Bounce House' was born. (My grand babies call me Sassy in case you're new here.)
I know what you're thinking, right? 'Sassy's Bounce House' on a bunch of 5 year old's soccer shirts might raise questions.
Calm down. We'll get there.
My main responsibility as the sponsor was designing and buying the t-shirts. Designing t-shirts is nowhere in my wheelhouse, so I handed that job off to my super crafty and hilarious daughter-in-law Barbara, and this is what happened.
Not exactly a Zumba dancer, but considering she almost used a silhouette of a lady upside on a pole to represent my FlyFit Bungee classes, I thought this was a great choice.
The t-shirt lady asked if I wanted to include my phone number.
Good lord, NOOO. Suddenly I could see one of 2 things happening.
1. I'd start getting phone calls for children's birthday parties.
2. I'd start getting phone calls for bachelor parties.
So I added the words 'Zumba Fitness' below it because I've learned to think ahead and proactively avoid involving myself in anything scandalous, right? Let's keep telling ourselves that.
The shirts arrived in time for team picture day. I asked Nick what time I should be there and he slowly and awkwardly explained that sponsors don't usually participate in team pictures which was fine because I was totally kidding and never mind that I ordered myself a matching shirt because I'm just a jokester like that.
But thankfully I wasn't there, because that night Nick received a text from the head of the league stating there had been "multiple complaints" about it appearing his team had been sponsored by a strip club.
Ok. Let me stop you right there, "head of the league." FIRST of all, if I were a stripper (and let's face it I could be), I wouldn't sponsor my 5 year old granddaughter's soccer team. That'd just be inappropriate. SECOND of all, and let's be clear on this point for anyone in the community who has questions on the topic, I'M NOT A STRIPPER. Making money dancing fully clothed is totally different, obviously.
I sat staring horrified as Nick told me what happened and I said, "Oh my gosh. Is everybody going to be thinking I'm the slutty grandma at all the games now?" To which my son Zac replied, "I thought that was a given."
Who raised this kid to think he's funny?
Ron tried to put my mind at ease and said, "It's not like anyone will look at you and know that you're the Sassy of the Bounce House."
Well. Except...I might've gotten carried away at the t-shirt counter. I pulled out my shirt.
Nick returned to the t-shirt place with Addie's shirt and asked if anything could be done to appease any parents who might have a problem with the decal on their kid's shirt. He sprayed it with something and off came the stripper dancer. That night at practice, he went to each parent and explained that if they're offended by the picture, the t-shirt place will remove it. And guess what- NONE OF THEM WERE OFFENDED BY THE PICTURE.
Hold up. Did we just discover that the ONLY person offended by a picture of a leaping dancer on a 5 year old's soccer shirt was the "head of the league" who misled my son-in-law with the phrase "multiple complaints" when in fact she was the only one who had a problem with it?
That's exactly what we discovered.
Flash to our team in their huddle yelling, "Goooooo Booty Holes!"
My stripper shirts don't seem like that big a deal now, huh?
But to everyone's credit, nothing more came of the scandal, the kids learned a lot and made many fun memories. Nick and his dad were rockstar coaches who taught the kids how to play soccer AND have fun at the same time, and my business carries on as usual- successful and seemingly untainted by it's name and I have what I hope is the first of many sponsor plaques proudly displayed.
I have just one thing to say to the easily offended of the world. Thank you! Nothing like an unnecessary scandal to boost my business and expand into a line of Sassy's Bounce House Merch, coming in January.
