Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (Part 2)

Our saga picks back up at gate B12, where Ron just made his doomsday announcement that it was the same gate all of his 'technical difficulties' happened when he tried to fly out of the Dayton Airport for a recent work trip. 

It started out uneventfully if you don't count our rude gate attendant asking over the announcements if anyone wants coffee before she "has to make it" and when everyone sat silently, she said 'good, because I didn't want to have to make it.' 

Fly the friendly skies everybody.

Then she began harassing everyone that they may as well come let her measure our bags, because they'll have a zero tolerance for all these bags she's seeing that look like they're pregnant with other bags and they will be measuring them.

Listen lady. 

1. I'm not checking my bag for you to lose in Atlanta and be stuck on a cruise ship without my makeup and formal wear.

2. I'm not gonna be bullied into delivering my bag to you to inspect and approve before it's even time to board the plane.

I turned toward Ron to note her audacity, but he was already walking his bag up to be inspected. He returned with a tag strapped around the handle. Your people pleasing tendencies need checked with that bag, man. 

So naive were we.

All was going well at this point. The plane we were taking arrived from Atlanta, those passengers unloaded and they began boarding us. Ron ripped the tag off his handle and slipped his bag into an overhead compartment. The best decision he made all day. 

Everyone was in their seats and the plane just sat there with no explanation. Ron finally said, "You know this is exactly how it went on my work flight. We sat here and then they announced we had to get off the plane for technical difficulties."

As if on cue, the pilot came on and announced we'd have to de-board for technical issues with a 'gap' in the cargo door. 

So where was that 'gap' on the plane when it landed full of people from Atlanta 20 minutes ago? What, the ground crew in Atlanta totally missed that gap in the door?  Those passengers barely made it here alive? If not for the observation skills of the Dayton Airport crew, the cargo door would've flown open mid-flight and we would've spiraled to our untimely deaths? Or...and stick with me...is it possible the Dayton Airport crew didn't shut the door correctly? Surely, it's not as simple as that.

And get this. All the checked bags that had been loaded into that plane were being sent to baggage claim, so everyone who had checked bags had to leave the gate to go pick them up and re-enter through TSA all over again.

I would've lost my ever-loving mind.

Our flight was rescheduled for 12:21pm while we waited for a new airplane to arrive from Atlanta. Then it changed to 2pm. Bumped to 2:30. Oh, we mean 4:06. Make that 4:35. Oh yeah, you'll miss your connection flight in Atlanta now, so we put on the 7:54pm to New Orleans. Funny story, your flight out of Dayton is now scheduled for 5:15pm. Our bad, that should say 5:45pm. Jokes on you, we're not leaving until 6:30pm. 

So here's how we spent our day at the Dayton Airport. We started with lunch at Max & Erma's. I told the waitress that all I wanted in the world right now was a cheeseburger, so I shouldn't have been surprised when she came back and told me they'd just run out of cheeseburgers. It was 11:30am, how in the hell is that even possible? Three words: Dayton.Freakin.Airport.

Our lunch cost $86. When we returned to our gate at 2pm, we were informed that due to the 'inconvenience' of our flight delays, they'd be awarding us food vouchers worth $12 each that had to be used within the Dayton Airport within the next 24 hours. By that point, our new flight was the 4:06 time, we'd just eaten, and our grand voucher total of $36 wouldn't have scratched the surface of our chicken fingers lunch at Craps and Ermas. 

I walked into the gift shop to use it on a sweatshirt because I was stuck in Ohio but dressed for New Orleans. Nope, vouchers have to be used on food. So Caymen and I shopped their snack rack for $36 worth of chips, nuts, and candy, but when we carried it all to the checkout, she told us that we have to buy them in $12 increments under each voucher separately. For the safety of everyone, I walked out of the gift shop and found Ron who recognized my rage face. He told me to stay in my chair at our gate and he'd handle the purchasing of the snacks.

As soon as he walked away, they announced at our gate that due to the 'inconvenience' of our brand new flight time of 5:15pm, they were putting out complimentary snacks because the DaytonFreakinAirport's piss poor timing is unmatched.  

That's when the ruckus broke out at the bar and Ron sprinted around the corner of the gift shop, visibly relieved when he found me in my chair. Listen, no judgement here on the guy getting escorted to Security. My sober a** almost went postal on the gift shop lady 10 minutes ago. The bartender should be used to it. 

The time is now 5:45pm. We're sitting at our gate with a bag full of three $12 vouchers worth of gift shop snacks along with giant handfuls of the complimentary gate snacks because I don't care, I'm taking these too. Our replacement plane just arrived from Atlanta and "Good news" they said. There are no passengers on board, so we can board you immediately and get you on your way at your brand freakin new flight time of only 6:30pm! Good luck catching that tight connection in Atlanta because all the other flights to New Orleans tonight are full. 

And that's where we'll leave this one off. 

I never said it'd be a short series. 

Sooooo. Stay tuned next time when we board our 2nd freakin airplane on the same freakin day at the DaytonFreakinAirport.

But can they close the cargo door on this plane?

Spoiler Alert: No. They can't. 

To be continued...